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Darren

64 Movie Reviews

14 w/ Responses

your waifu is trash

You should think about recording your singing and music separately. Your voice is really muffled.

The voice of a generation

This is the review crew pick of my heart.

Is this any different from the last time you uploaded it?

The writing needs more "show don't tell." All the dialogue very explicitly explains every last detail of what's going on, and comes off as unnatural exposition. Try to have the animation tell more of the story, or get across the information with more natural dialogue. I think you also know that the voices need some work, since you added the very necessary subtitles. You can find voice actors on newgrounds in the forums.

Rojay101 responds:

Thanks for your advice

You can find voice actors under the Artists & Creators section of the Newgrounds forums.

hugofertre responds:

thank for your advice

I think you should put some effort into actually animating these (and writing) rather than releasing one every day.

The animation is sketchy and unfinished, and then halfway through the animation stops altogether.

chlfan responds:

josh miller is the animator i was just the director and script writer of this flash idea

When I saw the choice come up, I thought "oh cool, this is a choose your own adventure kinda thing" and was a little disappointed when it was just one choice. So, I'd recommend trying to making something longer with more choices, and a branching story, even if it's just a few choices total.

JohnCage1997 responds:

Yea, I was. In future if I had a big chance of free time, I'll try to improve myself and more interractivity (Inspired by TellTale Games.) since animating is one of my hobbies.

Thanks! Much appreciated! :D
ps. I like your flashes :3

Don't mind me, just making dumb stuff for the internet now and then

Darren @Darren

Age 31, Male

RIT

NJ

Joined on 7/5/08

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